25 REASONS I OWE MOM

1. My mother taught me TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE .
"If you're going to kill each other, do it outside. I just finished cleaning."  

2. My mother taught me RELIGION .
"You better pray that will come out of the carpet."  

3. My mother taught me about TIME TRAVEL .
"If you don't straighten up, I'm going to knock you into the middle of next week!"  

4.. My mother taught me LOGIC .
" Because I said so, that's why."

5.  My mother taught me MORE LOGIC .
"If you fall out of that swing and break your neck, you're not going to the store with me."  

6. My mother taught me FORESIGHT .
"Make sure you wear clean underwear, in case you're in an accident."  

7. My mother taught me IRONY .
"Keep crying, and I'll give you something to cry about."

8. My mother taught me about the science of OSMOSIS .
"Shut your mouth and eat your supper."

9. My mother taught me about CONTORTIONISM .
"Will you look at that dirt on the back of your neck!"

10. My mother taught me about STAMINA .
"You'll sit there until all that spinach is gone."

11. My mother taught me about WEATHER .
"This room of yours looks as if a tornado went through it."

12. My mother taught me about HYPOCRISY .
"If I told you once, I've told you a million times. Don't exaggerate!"  

13. My mother taught me the CIRCLE OF LIFE .
"I brought you into this world, and I can take you out."  

14. My mother taught me about BEHAVIOR MODIFICATION .
"Stop acting like your father!"  

15. My mother taught me about ENVY .
"There are millions of less fortunate children in this world who don't have wonderful parents Like you do."  

16. My mother taught me about ANTICIPATION .
"Just wait until we get home."

17. My mother taught me about RECEIVING .
"You are going to get it when you get home!"

18.  My mother taught me MEDICAL SCIENCE .
"If you don't stop crossing your eyes, they are going to freeze that way."  

19. My mother taught me ESP .
"Put your sweater on; don't you think I know when you are cold?"

20. My mother taught me HUMOR .
"When that lawn mower cuts off your toes, don't come running to me."  

21. My mother taught me HOW TO BECOME AN ADULT .
"If you don't eat your vegetables, you'll never grow up."  

22. My mother taught me GENETICS .
"You're just like your father."

23.  My mother taught me about my ROOTS .
"Shut that door behind you. Do you think you were born in a barn?"

24.  My mother taught me WISDOM .
"When you get to be my age, you'll understand."

25. And my favorite:  My mother taught me about JUSTICE .
"One day you'll have kids, and I hope they turn out just like you.